Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
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