he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
