how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
