Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
