A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
either way he was missing a nipple.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
