I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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