so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's blow job season.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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