I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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