lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
