ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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