3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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