he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she smelled like a LAN party
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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