It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
