So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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