I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
