I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
