no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
