I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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