im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
