If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize