The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize