Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
