My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
