Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
did i just pee glitter
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