he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
