Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
