Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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