she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
