You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
