Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
