If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
