They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
