walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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