in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
