So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
