Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize