Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
