I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
