Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We left the knife in your bed.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
