Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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