Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
