I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
