I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
