i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize