I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
