I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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