Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think I am morally bankrupt
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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