White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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