Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
