Non-Jews are for practice
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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