you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Mom said you looked used
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Randomize
