i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
