I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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