He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There's always time for handjobs
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize