It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
