Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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