Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
