Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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