it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I party with great urgency now.
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