Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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