I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
