just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
