gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
