its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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