I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
