Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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