I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
