I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
