nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
