i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
