I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
