What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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