i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize