Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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