You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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